note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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