How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
