he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
