I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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