I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
