I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
