You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
