Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
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