Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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