I wish I could teleport
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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