if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Randomize
