I think scott just propositioned me for sex
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
