found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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