i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
