hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
