My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
