M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
