so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
