Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
