She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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