that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Another day, another engagement, another cat
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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