I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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