so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
