I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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