why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
