I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
