you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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