If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your penis caused this!
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