i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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