I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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