in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink