I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"