This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "