you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.