She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch