my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."