i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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