Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
