don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
