Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
