the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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