and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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