new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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