i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
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he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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