yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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