Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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