I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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