I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
