Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
