When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
