New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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