she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
