News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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