There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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