this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
