look no pants
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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