in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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