You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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