I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
