I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
