remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
