Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
