Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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