I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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