you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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