Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
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If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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