saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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