and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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