Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
