No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
