Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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