I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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