Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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