it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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